Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Gosh Darn Itchy Skin!

The last few weeks and my re-exposure to online dating have taught me something very definite--most people aren't at all comfortable in their own skin.

It's interesting to me how many conversations have been started asking "What are you looking for in a man?  Are you looking for a relationship?  What is your ideal first date?"  It seems to me this this line of questioning--these patterns of behavior--are akin to milking a cow from the front.  You might get some milk, but most likely you're just going to end up sitting face to face with a cow.  

This week, my problem with dating and (relationships in general), is that too many people just want to be with someone, anyone, just so that they don't have to be alone.  Too many people want to speed their way through a person and end up at the alter. 

Don't get me wrong, the alter sounds nice and all.  Tomorrow I turn 24 and have recently found myself going through a bit of a mid-twenties crisis.  My recently disappointed swaray into the land of love leaves me feeling more like an old maid than I ever have before.  And yet?  I'd still rather be alone  than be in a relationship that has anything less than deep love and devotion.  

I had a conversation with a guy today about how he thinks he would be a great boyfriend, but he hates and is bad at dating.  While I don't disagree with that sentiment, and I have, myself, felt it on more than one occasion, I also understand that there's a certain level of self-possession that one must have in order to be an attractive mate to another. My advice to him?  Love to be alone.  Be content to be alone There's something about a person who is confident that you should want to be with him (because he wants to be with himself) that convinces you that it's so.  

So here's what I'm working on this week and that I can only hope the men in the world are working on, too:  Be okay to be you.  Be happy about it.  Right after my break up I couldn't stand to be alone--I wanted to have people there all the time, to be occupied all the time, to be entertained and kept busy.  Now, I'm slowly equalizing again.  I'm finding my stride.  I'm re-learning to love being by myself, the stillness, the quiet, the enjoyment and freedom of doing what I want when I do.  

Being alone: Perhaps it's the easiest thing to do, but also often one of the most uncomfortable.